It
isn't easy to let someone down. I once had a gig scheduled up in
Sacramento to perform at a benefit function. My partner in the band and I
agreed to do the gig under the understanding that a sound system would be
provided for us. Unfortunately, I didn't control all of the aspects of the
performance and the day before the concert found out the event coordinator had no sound system
available to us. My partner in the band would not agree to cart all of our
equipment up to Sacramento from the Bay Area to make the gig. We had to
cancel. I was caught in the middle. Now my word was jeopardized and
my friends might be upset at me - not to mention the people who planned the
event.
We've
all had situations where we've let someone down. It happens. I
believe in keeping our word. Jesus said, "let your yes be yes and
your no be no" -- words I've always felt were good to live by.
What
do we do when keeping our word is out of our control?
First,
if we break our word we must do it tactfully, with full gratefulness for the
opportunity. Second, we must immediately take steps to pick up from the
letdown.
It
is similar to the idea of surrounding a negative with two positives (the
PNP approach). Over the past year, I've learned to pretty much just let
all negatives go, because it does not help to focus on them nor does it help to
tell someone something negative about them. If you have to deliver
negative news, at least try to surround it with two positives.
This
thought process works in business as follows. You have a complaint about
your job. Rather than blast off a flaming email to your manager razing him
about how his inability to solve a problem is now all his fault, we can try the
Compliment Sandwich (PNP) approach.
A
Compliment Sandwich means using the power of PNP: Positive-Negative-Positive. "Hi, manager, I like
the new (positive) we've implemented this past month. One thing that might
also help is to consider improving (negative issue) to help alleviate
(concern). Thanks for also helping with the (positive)."
I've found this works very, very well with my managers and fellow employees.
So
in the case of letting down my friends I've decided to immediately invite them
to my house for a dinner party. It will be a good occasion to get together
and will cost me a little bit of time and money -- but that positive should help
them quickly dismiss my no-show at their benefit.
A
good rule of thumb is never put any negative into writing, say it, instead,
IF you HAVE to say it (usually, we don't have to say ANYTHING negative).
As the expression goes, "If you don't have anything good to say about
something or someone, don't say anything at all." And, if you have say it,
because the work or situation requires it, try to use the
Compliment Sandwich and watch your communication results improve.
Please
note: the author of this article may not be certified as a
licensed psychotherapist -- please consult professional assistance as your
situation dictates.
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