Both loneliness and rejection cause a feeling of being disconnected that leads to feeling sad, alone, not "good enough", or even depression or despair. These feelings and reactions are part of human psychology. These feelings also lead to a certain amount of dissatisfaction and lower our overall happiness and ability to succeed. Yet, it is not necessary to remain in those states. WE DO control our state more than we often recognize. The cure for either of these problems, from my personal experience and in coaching other people, is a matter of adjustment to the perspective which we hold that creates the feelings of loneliness. There are also concrete actions we can take to resolve these feelings. 

So, I've built a list to follow whenever I feel I'm in that state, as a reminder to the state that is empowering and leads to higher success in relationships. You may find it useful to you in your own pursuit of continual happiness.

1. What do I believe about me? 

Often times, when I feel rejected or lonely, I am accepting a belief that I am not a great person, or that I don't offer much or attract what I want. Being great, offering the world a lot, and being attractive is actually a state of mind as much as reality. The key here is to say "I'm a great person!" and "I can and do attract what I want." In reframing this state, right off the bat, we start to focus on loving our own self first, which is key before we can ever attract the love or state we wish to attract. It begins in our own self! The key message here is: YOU ARE LOVED!

2. If feeling rejected, then the following statement also helps to repeat: "I'm a fun, exciting, terrific catch" and "I'm a worthy partner and people love me!" Again, this is reframing rejection to acceptance and love. Did you know that the average human body contains enough energy over a lifetime that, framed in recent financial value, equals $81 Billion dollars. Last I checked, that's a lot of money. Money is energy. Therefore, our energy is HIGHLY valuable. The key message here is: YOU ARE GREAT and VALUED!

3. Think of the positive things people have said to you in your past. I keep a positive statement journal any time someone says something I find positive about my character. This is a good time to review that list. The gist of my own personal list comes out to accolades like "you're the wisest man I know," and "you're the fun guy!" and "you've inspired me more than you know," and so on. So, keep a positive statement journal. Then, in times when you need a pick-me-up, you'll see all the great ways you contribute to other people's lives, and realize that you are indeed making a difference in the world. Key message here is: YOU MATTER TO OTHERS!

4. It is possible that rejection or being alone is simply part of your path in this present human existence. What I mean is, that perhaps any of the tough times we go through have been given to us to prove that our FAITH is GENUINE. When people lose hope and faith, they look down, and stop believing first in God, second in themselves, third in others. We may lose faith in God because we fail to see how God is active in our own lives. We may lose faith in our self because we feel as if we failed at something. We may lose faith in others because people don't live up to our expectations or break their word with us. Having no faith is a state that leads to unhappiness. If you want to be happier, rediscover your faith. The best way to do that is to LOOK UP! That's right, look up. I have a friend who plays drums at my church and he likes to say "look up and show your teeth to God!" meaning: look up and smile! I like the idea, as it is impossible to consistently feel down if you're looking up and smiling. Keep in mind that it truly is our own EXPECTATION of certain things that problem wasn't met that created the feelings we experience. Therefore, if we alter the expectation, we can alter the resulting feeling. A way to reframe an expectation is to simply RELEASE expectation. This is what unconditional love is all about. Being nice without expectation of ANYTHING in return. To give so freely is the essence of love. And, believe it or not, love helps us rediscover faith. It starts with the first step, the first action. The key idea here is: HAVE FAITH IN GOD, HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF, HAVE FAITH IN OTHERS. 

5. Another part of altering our perception of being "down" is to simply not give it the time of day. In the movie and book "Gone With The Wind", the lead character, Scarlett O'Hara often found herself in difficult situations or in situations that could have made her feel negative or in despair. Rather than accept that state, she'd always say, "I don't have time for that today, I'll just think about that tomorrow." The idea is: tomorrow never matters as much as today matters. The counter expression to that concept is an expression I learned in sales, "some do, some don't, NEXT!" There is also the thought that "tomorrow is a new day" so whichever of these works for you, use it.

In my own life, I chose to write down the following: "I don't have time to think about disappointment, loss, worry, lack, pain, sorrow, lust, sadness, greed, envy, hatred, rejection, or any other negative or perceived evil. Instead, I will focus on the counter of these: happiness, gain, calm, health, fulfillment, love, acceptance, appreciation, and other such things." 

The key to this perception is: recognize that YOU CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS. HOW WE THINK CONTROLS HOW WE ACT AND FEEL.

6. In the same line of thinking, try this: "My thoughts ARE and CAN overcome ALL sense of failure, loss, or negative, transforming them to success, gain, fun, joy, excitement, success, and love." The key here is to not allow negative room to capture your thoughts. In keeping your thoughts on the positive, you will create happier and more positive states. Remember this phrase:

"In the morning, there is joy." What defines us is how we act and exist through those circumstances. We can choose the action and how we exist more than we give ourselves credit. The key to joy is: KNOW ALL CIRCUMSTANCES CHANGE. HOW WE ACT IS WHAT DEFINES US.

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7. In order to create more happy states, we need to create a mindset of celebration. Most people celebrate holidays (honoring special acts and achievements), birthdays (honoring other people we love), weddings (honoring other people we love), and so forth. Isn't it possible to find something to celebrate every day? Don't we feel happy and excited during celebrations? Personally, I decided to celebrate the wind, sunrises and sunsets, ocean waves, trees, rain, and fog. This enables me to find something to celebrate each and every day. How do we feel when we celebrate? For me, I want to be happy, loved, and successful making a difference with my life. I want to dance, play music, make love, and celebrate life. The key here is: CELEBRATE WHAT YOU LOVE! CELEBRATIONS ARE THE ACTS OF HAPPY PEOPLE.

8. Some words to not result in success. For example, wishing and trying for things indicate an underlining worry that it will require "luck" to make it so. In eastern philosophy, you often come across ideas such as George Lucas borrowed with the character Yoda in Star Wars: "There is no try. There is only do, or not do." Replace "I wish" and "I'll try" with "I do" or "I am" and see how this enables more positive momentum. The key here is: RIGHT ACTION STARTS WITH RIGHT THOUGHT. THINK IN A WAY THAT LEADS TO RIGHT ACTION.

9. When we feel rejected or lonely, we are often not living according to our own internal guidelines, ethics, beliefs, or morals. Are you taking a stand for what you believe in? If not, you're out of power. Sometimes, we need a reality check. If we are to be "in integrity", then we must stand for and follow the actions we believe in the most. The key here is: BE IN INTEGRITY WITH YOURSELF and OTHERS WILL BE IN INTEGRITY WITH YOU.

10. Sometimes, it is valuable to look back. This is why I keep that positive statement journal. One thing that people have said to me in the past is that I am a trustworthy friend. That means a lot to me. I know that I have personally helped and "been there" for countless people. I've loved people deeply and influenced so many people in a positive way. What ways have you "been there" for people? The key in looking back is to know that YOU MATTER TO OTHERS VERY MUCH.

11. Along with faith, hope is often lacking with we feel lonely or rejected. A way to recognize hope is to recognize that we can manifest when we are in integrity. Here's a mantra I developed for creating more hope: "I believe in my abilities to realize and manifest what I set my mind on." 

If you lack hope, you lack a view of the future. A way to create a view of the future is to create mind maps, linking inter-related ideas until you can see the interconnectedness of your actions. Then, extend those maps to goals on things you wish to do, how you wish to be, and what you want from your existence. With new goals, as you begin to manifest more and more, your hope for the future will grow as you realize that your faith in God, your self, and others, manifests in positive results. The key here is to HAVE HOPE FOR A POSITIVE OUTCOME EACH DAY.

12. When we are alone, lonely, or rejected, we often do not feel that anyone is with us. According to the Bible and other religious texts, no matter where we are, God is within us. Therefore, no matter what our state, we are NEVER alone! Whether obvious or silent, carrying, prodding, and shepherding us through challenges is the great force of conscious energy seeing us through our challenges. The key here is to recognize: WE HAVE A PARTNER IN GOD.

13. Another challenge for some people is having someone or something to care for, such as a pet. I recently experienced a loss when my cat, Maggie, disappeared one night and did not return. Maggie and I became good pals over the past twelve years, and she saw me through many fun and exciting times. Maggie hung out with me when I'd work on this website, read a book, or just other times. She slept on my bed most nights. Maggie was very smart and intuitive. Sometimes Maggie helped me through sad times, too, where having my furry friend to hold and purr and make me feel better was all I needed for comfort. I miss Maggie, but some day will get a new kitten when I am ready and will fill that place for my own life. In the meantime, I go to the animal shelter and pet the kittens there to offer them some love and care. I also play with my parent's dog, Hans. What pets do you have? Caring for a pet is often the missing piece in feeling complete and happy -- especially if you are single. The key idea here is: CARE FOR OTHERS, INCLUDING PETS, AND YOU WILL NOT FEEL ALONE. Also, pets accept us pretty easily for who we are.

14. Another key is to remember the spice of life: LOVE and LAUGHTER. The way to more love and laughter is to give, to share with others, to be kind, smiling, and creating good vibes to laugh at the silly and wacky things that happen in our lives, to play, to enjoy each other and situations, to create, to believe, to reach for ASPIRATIONS in life and then MAKE THEM SO!

You know, we often don't need to be legends to be successful. We also don't have to be accepted by everyone we meet. We can create what we want in life. We just need and want to love and be loved. YOU ARE LOVED! So, GO FOR IT! Get what you want out of life and be the person you were born to be.

Please note:  although the author of this article provides coaching on relationships to numerous people; however, the author is not certified as a licensed psychotherapist -- please consult professional assistance as your situation dictates.

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