Fact
is, just about everyone wants to know where to go to find our true love and have
better relationships. The elephant in the room seems to be the
question: How do we meet this mystical person?
Recently,
I came across some interesting statistics that shed light on this situation.
According to University of Chicago researcher Dr. Edward Lauman, here is how we
meet our significant other:
23% meet at school
15% meet at work
10% meet at a private party
8% meet at a bar
8% meet at a church or synagogue
4% meet at the gym
<1% meet through personal ads
These
stats may have changed slightly with the recent popularity of AOL, chat rooms and internet
dating. I know of several people who've met on-line. However, the
interesting stat, to me, is that almost 30% of the remaining people met OTHER
ways! In other words, they met doing something they LOVE. Whether
that's swing dancing, listening to music at a concert, volunteering for a
charity or meeting at the grocery store - people meet many ways. Upon
seeing this I decided that if you were to replace the environment you have at
school, you will have the highest likelihood of meeting someone you
like. So, perhaps taking a class or lessons or studying a new
subject where other people around your age and socio-economic background are
likely to hang out and the odds will be higher.
So
how do we meet someone? I look at it as catching a wild animal (call it a
cat, if that helps). There are at least two ways you could go about
catching a wild cat. One method is to chase after the cat and try to catch
it by pouncing on it -- likely to scare the cat away and make it a little more
jittery the next time it sees you. This method is unlikely to create
success and more likely to leave you feeling frustrated and alone.
The
other method is to go where the wild cats are, offer the cat some fish or catnip
and wait quietly, enjoying where you are without worrying about whether or not
you catch the cat. It may seem like it is taking longer - but this is
deceiving, as you are relaxing and enjoying where you are. After a while,
when you are relaxed, quiet, and comfortable, the cat may start to check you
out. As the cat learns you are safe and have treats for them, they'll be
eating out of your hand. Once the word travels, you may even have your
choice of several "cats".
Another
method is to confidently approach the cat you want and offer it the milk you
offer. A friend of mine claims that if you do not seize
the world you're just a lamb and waiting for your slaughter. It works for
him, as in general a man is still expected to be the person who approaches
a woman (with confidence).
The
most masterful trait, though, to finding love anywhere, is to simply send love
out,
without expectation, wherever we go. Sending out unconditional love, as a
regular practice, is sure to come back to us tenfold. The trick to making
money is often spending some. When you buy a new suit you can land that
job sometimes just by looking the part. Well, with love it is the same
way. When we are able to be confident and loving, the love we seek may
come to us.
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What
are ways to create more love, or find more love, by sending more love out?
1.
Take a friend to lunch or coffee. During the conversation, tell them three
things you really like about them (with sincerity).
2.
Buy a little gift for a friend, something that you think might uniquely appeal
to them, based upon who you know them as. (No gag gifts - they might
backfire!) It doesn't have to cost a lot to mean a lot.
3.
Call a friend up on the telephone and let them know you really don't have a
reason for calling except to say "hi" and you were thinking about
them. Is there anything they need that you can help them with? Or,
is there a way you can reconnect?
4.
Drop by a friends house with a gift, or show up with some food, and offer to
share it with them. Let me know one or two things you appreciate about
their friendship.
5.
Host a potluck party. You can make it interesting and make it a common
interest party. For example, my brother goes to a monthly
"writer's" party. The group is mostly English Teachers, who
wanted to maintain their own craft. Everyone brings their own beverages
and food, and the host prepares a main dish. Each person writes something
before dinner. They take about 30 - 45 minutes to write their poem or
story. After dinner, they sit around and share what they wrote. I
cannot express how much more you get to know people from doing a shared interest
party versus just showing up to a regular type of party.
6.
Offer to do small favors for people. This could be as simple as holding
someone's books or handing them the hard to reach item in a grocery store.
Random acts of kindness build opportunities for new friendship. Don't
expect return favors, just do it.
7.
Compliment people who stand out to you. Be sincere, concise, and smile,
when you compliment. The more you practice complimenting others the more
you will see how people light up at your kindness.
8.
Smile when you have no reason to smile. People like happy people.
9.
Find an event you want to attend, and invite someone you are interested in to go
with you. This could be a play, a movie, a concert, or even a book
reading. You choose.
10.
Find an event you are interested in, and invite nobody, but go with the
expectation to meet at least three new people in a sincere way. Make the
meeting about them: ask them questions, show genuine interest in who they
are, what they do, how they have fun.
Remember,
most people love to share about their vocation, travel, what makes them
passionate, how they have fun, their hobbies, and children. These are all
pretty safe topics for most folks, and will build good will and better rapport
than talking about politics, religion, sex, or other topics that are considered
highly sensitive.
Please
note: This article is intended for entertainment purpose only. The author of this article may not be certified as a
licensed psychotherapist -- please consult professional assistance as your
situation dictates.
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