do men want (from women)?
What do men want (from women)?
Women have been trying to answer this question for ages,
and shelves of self-help books try to resolve the differences between
men and women by considering we're from different planets.
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A recent poll said that the average person is willing to
spend 6 months' salary to find their true love.
Many women ask the
question "What do men want?" to their women friends and sometimes
they'll ask their guy friends. If women would approach men with a few
simple, effective guidelines, they'll be much more likely to get exactly
what they want from men: a fulfilling, healthy, happy relationship.
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Here are the guidelines:
1. Men want a fun and exciting (female) companion.
2. Men want great sex (consistent, frequent, and
passionate lovemaking score high with men).
3. Men want to share meals with their woman companion
(especially when she cooks for him).
4. Men want you to support them in their work and boost
5. Men want you to look great, keep in shape, and express
confidence about your body.
6. Men want you to listen to them and treat them with
7. Men need private time, to unwind, to engage in sports
and hobbies, and to spend time with other men.
Women: in case you're not
very thrilled with this list, that may be because you were hoping I
wrote the guidelines for "What Women Want
Men To Want," which, predictably, is a considerably different list. For
that, you'd have to see What Women Want (A Guide For Men). But the idea
is to understand men so that you might get along better, right?
Well, this guide works, trust me - it is proven and tested.
You will note that this list of guidelines is far shorter
than my list for What Women Want. Why is this? Because men are more like
dogs, women more like cats. However, if you put a weighted scale on it,
you'd find more VALUE placed on each guideline than any of the thirteen
guidelines for What Women Want (A Guide for Men). So, if you want to
improve your relationship with the man you love or want to love, then
try these guidelines and see how they work for your relationship
1. Men want a fun and exciting companion. There are
things that a man will discuss with a woman if the level of
communication and trust has been established. Sharing activities can
also be a healthy way to build relationships. Exciting to some men may
mean going to the library together. So, what I recommend is know what
you enjoy and find men who enjoy those activities (or at least, a subset
of those activities). If women spend more time with men sharing
some activities each week they are likely to get along better with the
men in their lives.
2. Men want consistent, frequent, passionate sex (or hot
sex). Men get turned on by different
things that a woman does. A woman wants to know she's "the only one he
loves" and that he digs her. A man wants his partner to be a bit of a
lusty animal in bed - thus the high subscription rate among men to
magazines that are somewhat exploitive of women. (Note: the top 2
subscriptions among men are Playboy and Penthouse, the top for women is
Ladies Home Journal and Better Homes & Garden). A woman that delivers in
the bedroom will, more often than not, get what she wants from her man -
a dedicated lover. I hate to be crass, but it's reality. Smart women
look at this and figure out how to use it to build mutual happiness. A
woman who is more vocal in bed, and carries the attitude that goes with
it, is likely to get a lot back from her man, as well. On the other
hand, a woman who is frigid and uses sex as a manipulation tool is
likely to receive games right back. The main thing isn't so much
experimentation though - please don't take this the wrong way. It is
about creativity, bonding, and emotional intimacy.
Men bond through being physically connected. The act
of making love is how a man feels that you love him. Withhold this, and
you are withholding your love, to a man. Men want to connect with the
physical act, because the act of release during sex is how a man most
feels connected to you. It is the "feeling of being connected" he most
I had a woman write me once who said, "if a man is
connected by making love to a woman, then how can he say 'she meant
nothing' about an affair?" Good point. It meant something. But perhaps,
he was seeking something STRANGE or DIFFERENT. It is good to mix it up once in a while, you
By the way, some men living by their animal instinct
or Ego's rules enjoy the conquest. We can help curb this tendency by being
aware and learning as much as possible about each other prior to
becoming physical. Women can help improve their sexual relationships by
offering some spice and also helping men understand the importance of
romance, ambience, and setting a good mood (thus helping her meet her
own need to "heat-up" first).
3. Men want to share meals with you, especially when you
prepare the meal. I personally enjoy
cooking a meal together and going out and enjoying a nice meal together.
Just as much as I do not expect a woman to cook every meal for us, I
also appreciate it when she does. It is also nice when a woman
appreciates when her man cooks for her. Women who share their meals with
their partner are improving the quality time they spend together and
building a better bond. A man who expects his woman to cook every meal
might improve his relationship by offering to clean-up dishes or
surprising his woman with a home-cooked meal of his own. Many men just
take their women out to dinner to show their appreciation (thus, the
reason Mother's Day brunches are so expensive!). Communication about the
importance of cooperation and sharing of all aspects of the meal can
help improve problems in this area. So, especially, men appreciate when
you FEED THEM. Maybe it sounds old-fashioned, but the old adage, "the
best way to a man's heart is through his stomach" has some value.
4. Men want you to support them in their work and help
boost their confidence. Note: Women who
understand men do not put them down. Women who understand this ask men
questions about their career and let them know "you can do it, baby!" In
return, women will find their man equally supportive because she
understands him and does things to let him know she's a believer. Call
it a case of mutual admiration.
5. Men want you to look great (your very best).
Just go to a sporting event (like a football game or baseball game) and
check out the player's wives and girlfriends. They are often quite nice
looking with top-shape bodies. Were they chosen for their looks,
personality, money, or what? Why are so few of these women physically
ugly? Because the sports-stars attract good-looking women due to their
POWER status and making high amounts of money (two things women want
besides confidence and a sense of humor).
I've had so many women
write me about this subject because, well, women have issues with the
way they look. Men don't. Men just know what they like. The funny thing
is that women with a .7 to 1 waist to hip ratio tend to attract men
easier than women without that ratio. So, a woman may be more robust,
like Marilyn Monroe was, and still attract men like crazy, compared to
the little skinny waifs who are models and movie stars in our present
When I write that men want you to look great it means
simply this: look the very best you can for your size, type, and build.
Then carry it with confidence. Ever wonder why men groan when their
woman asks, "honey, does this look my butt look fat?" If she is
confident, she already knows and doesn't have to ask.
Looking great does not mean you have to be a trophy doll.
But if you think men don't choose their partners largely by the
way they look, think again. Men want women to look great! It may even be
a double-standard. Looking great does not mean you have to look like
superstars. I point them out because of society's general status
symbols, but please consider our perspective of "how we look" isn't
really more important than a societal viewpoint of what looks
best. Certainly, watching weight, eating and drinking healthy food and
water, and working out a few times a week also has benefits to our own
emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health. It is important to
love our body. When we love our body, why shouldn't our partner love it,
too? Even if you are "working on it," sending loving thoughts to your
body will help you achieve physical goals and happiness more than
sending out negative thoughts. Our confidence is attractive to most
people, and it counts in looks, too. Confidence is sexy. And men love
sexy women. Why did Marilyn Monroe have such popularity? Because she was sexy. So, do your best to look great, stay in shape,
dress attractively, and display a confident and sexy attitude. Watch how
much more attention you'll receive from the man in your life.
For women who don't have
perfect model bodies, I had a woman ask me this recently and all I can
say is what Duke Ellington said re: life: "Do the very best you can with
what you've got." I think you'll find a man who will appreciate that
effort you put out.
6. Men want you to listen to them and treat them with
respect. I've recently heard a woman say
that she felt men were not respecting her, but then a few moments later
used the phrase "well you men ..." in her speech. This indicates a
tendency towards negatively judging men. Sometimes, we get back what we
give out, and what we say to each other DOES matter.
Instead, when we give
love, kindness, and respect, we will experience the law of abundance in
action. Men listen differently than women do. Women tend to nod their
head and make comments, such as "ah, uh-huh, wow, yes, right" during
conversation to indicate they are listening and involved. Men tend to
listen like a wall, quietly observing until the other person finishes
their statement. Being sensitive to this difference in how men and women
communicate (and adapting, as appropriate) will improve communication
7. Men need you to give them private time to be left
alone, to spend on hobbies and sports, and to spend time with other men.
Some men need a few minutes to unwind when they walk in the door before
sharing the day's challenges. Some women need this space, too, but I've
noticed that most women I've dated prefer to launch into the daily
review, while I'd really just like a hug, a kiss, and then some quiet
space for a few minutes to unwind prior to reviewing the day together.
Do what works best for your relationship. I find that a sincere and
compassionately deep hug upon greeting is nice, followed by a
thirty-second kiss sometime in the next few minutes, helps re-establish
that "connected" feeling.
Did I just say 30
second kiss? Yes, I did. Why? Because a peck kiss does nothing to
establish nor maintain romance. It requires a longer kiss to do that.
So, use your kissing to your advantage and keep the passion alive
I remember a friend telling me about his girlfriend, how
she tried to be his "Ms. Right" by becoming the woman he wanted, rather
than developing some interests of her own. Perhaps, she'd be married to
this man, today, had she simply had some of her own interests and
creating abundant living in her own life. It can also be valuable to
take time apart, once in a while, to reinforce and remind each other of
your bond that hold you together.
Perhaps, by not spending too much time together, we
may realize why someone coined the phrase "absence makes the heart grow
By following this guidance, and other tips in Smooth
Sailing, we hope you are able to build the relationship of your dreams.
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welcome your comments and success stories around finding true love and making
love more fun and abundant (feedback).
Want to attract a certain man? Learn more about
Scott Andrews is a life coach, business consultant, and
CEO/Founder of AspireNow (www.AspireNow.com),
a site helping people realize their business and personal aspirations. He
is a speaker and the author of numerous articles and workbooks on business
success, life purpose, smooth sailing relationships, and creating
abundant lifestyles. He launched the first interactive self-help program
on the Net, called the AspireNow Advisor.
note: the author of this article is not certified as a
licensed psychotherapist -- please consult professional assistance as your
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