Respect, Defined

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"How to get R-E-S-P-E-C-T."

By Scott Andrews, Founder of AspireNow.

Respect. What is it? How do we get it?

How many of our challenges in life are over us trying to get respect?

Why is respect important?

What do we do to increase the amount of respect we receive?

These are all important questions to understand in evaluating respect. First, let's take a look at getting our arms around what defines respect.

Respect as defined by Webster's Dictionary may be used as a verb or noun, and comes from two Latin combinations: re-, back + specere, look at). Our modern meanings include: 1. to feel or show honor or esteem for. 2. to show consideration for. 3. to concern; relate to.¹

I'm going to focus on the aspects: feel, honor, esteem, and consideration.

How do we feel? A feeling can be a hunch, or intuition, but this meaning goes beyond intuiting someone.   The ability to empathize, sympathize, condole, weep for, bleed for, or show compassion for another can truly begin to touch upon the deep meanings behind the ways we can feel for someone. Combining these feelings with honor and esteem can go far in showing that respect.

How can we honor our partner? Using their name is a start. People love to hear their name. Showing respect, such as allowing them to go in front of you, or doing something kind for them, can show that consideration. Another way to honor is to give them credit in enormous ways for their acts or to treat them that being in their presence is such a joy and blessing.

This relates to the attitude of gratitude I've discussed in the Life Purpose article on AspireNow's website (Gratitude, by Scott Andrews). To treat our partner in reverence, admiration, and adoration is how we identify the meaning behind "esteem" to know we've placed a high value on their friendship and love.

From the Bible, a common expression is "do unto others, as you'd have them do unto you." Well, this is one way to build respect. Give out what you'd like back. However, many people who give in this way, begin expecting to receive what they give back. This is a flawed approach to gaining respect. We must simply give because we find the joy in giving. I love giving what I call little gifts throughout the day. These gifts might be opening a door for someone, stooping to pick up a book or item someone behind me dropped, or simply smiling and saying an extended "thank you."

What is an extended "thank you?" An extended "thank you" means to state what we are thankful for. For example, our partner cleans up the dishes we left in the sink. Instead of only saying "thank you," by saying "thank you for cleaning up those dishes," we add impact/value to the thank you and therefore improve the value of that exchange.

When we think highly of someone, do we tell them that we do, and why we do? Is is what I call the "extended compliment." Instead of just saying, "hey - you're really a great cook," I can say "wow, this dinner was simply fabulous! Where on Earth did you learn to cook like this?" Going a little bit further with a compliment adds impact. As long as we are sincere and genuine in our compliment, this goes a long way to improve our esteem in relationships.

One rule of thumb I've tried to adopt is, if I have an idea or thought that someone just did something nice, or I like something about them, to simply point it out right on the spot. This way, we don't miss the opportunity to be loving.

All of these things will increase our respect from other people. There is one vital element underneath all of these meanings that we haven't discussed, though. Respect for God: considering with esteem the nature of all things, the spirit inside all things, and the spirit inside our own self. It often surprised me that some people can express praise and adoration for God in a church, but then when they are out hiking, they'll leave trash along a trail, or think nothing of snapping at their partner as soon as they are getting undressed when they return home. How does that happen? If we esteem God, we can esteem and respect our own self. Just as we must love our self before we can truly love another, we must also respect our own self before we can consider others will respect us.

Yet, human spirit is such that many people respect us even when we don't respect our own self. I propose that holding our self in respect will enable us to be empowered, valued, and safe in our decisions and daily living. Without boasting, we can still hold our own self in love, affection, with high opinion for the beautiful spirit we are. Once we see this, we can begin to share the wealth!

¹ The New Webster's Dictionary, Lexicon Publications, 1990.

We welcome your comments and success stories around finding true love and making love more fun and abundant (feedback).

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